The Way to a Man’s Heart

I think guys are attracted to how I eat nachos.

Seriously though.

Mexican spices must bring out the messy in me. And every time a chip breaks; the toppings spill into my lap; or I miss my mouth, I glance around to make sure nobody noticed.

Thing #1 saw.

Thing #2 saw.

Heaven only knows why, but they liked what they saw.

They always grin while I pat the queso off my lips like a lady. Then I return to polite conversation as if nothing ever happened with maybe a few look/look aways between dialoguing. No judging. Can I help it if Thing #1 and Thing #2 are cuter than Dr. Seuss made them out to be?

Guys never notice me in classes, the library, and church.

So it must be that guys are attracted to how I eat nachos. Or perhaps there’s another reason.

Dear person reading, after several requests for a post on how to get a guy’s attention, I have some pointers for you. Read at your own risk.

1. Whatever you do, do not under any circumstances be yourself.

It never turns out okay.

tumblr_lzcrnpPkbN1roh8k6o1_500You deserve better than who you are now. Instead, be the you you want to be in five years. Now is the time to reinvent yourself. Change. Have goals and actually get to achieving them. Get to know God. Push yourself. Take up a new hobby. Hone a skill. Lead a Bible study or book club. Find a mentor. Become a mentor. Give it your all. Overcome a fear. Go somewhere. Be happy. Practice vulnerability. Don’t hold back. Do something for you.

Keep moving forward!

Honestly. The best way to attract a boy is to live it up as a single.

Guys like girls who have a life plan that doesn’t hinge on having a guy. Word.

2. Know how you like your eggs.

In Runaway Bride, Maggie (Julia Roberts) wouldn’t know herself if her reflection slapped her. She’s been to the chapel and left a string of grooms at the altar. Whenever she started dating a poor sucker, Maggie always conformed to his likes and dislikes. Specifically, whatever kind of eggs he was having, she was having.

Dear person reading, I know it’s hard to make up your mind, but having a mind of your own is rather important to avoid becoming a disoriented human being.

Figure out who you are and what you’re about. Take the Jung and Brigg-Meyer’s personality test. Or better yet, see What Your Style of Egg Says About You. In no way did Roommate and I find these summaries accurate, but we were thoroughly amused that this actually exists.

3. Kick the other girls’ butts.

(Because violence is always the answer. There was only this one time I saw Chuck Norris get rejected and that was never.)

giphyBe the best. People are drawn to people who know what they’re doing. Talents are impressive. Ergo, being awesome at something will turn heads.

Think about it. When you like a guy, do you talk about his mediocre achievements? His so-so looks? His scar story that comes this close to being a bedtime story?

No, no, and no. You must be a rad scientist because you’ve discovered the universe does not revolve around the sun but around Mr. Incredi-licious.

Just like girls like to brag on their boys, boys like to show off their girls.

Own your achievements. (Insert Mom’s voice: “But remember pride comes before the fall.”)

4. Don’t stop believing.

Believe the best in people.

The right girl for a boy will inspire him to be a better man.

In the Lion King, Nala does this. She believes there’s a king inside Simba even though she finds him eating grubs. That’s love. She encourages him and has faith in him when he doesn’t have faith in himself.

Rookie Blue‘s Andy McNally is also a master of seeing the good in people. Sometimes she’s wrong, and it hurts her deeply when people let her down. In the clip below, Sam reassures her that while people may be the worst, believing in them is what makes her one of the best.

So stay strong, grab yourself some nachos, and answer me this, dear person reading:

I’m curious. What food do you eat seductively?

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My name is Nichole—Nichole Parks. Not to be confused with Nicholas Sparks. Nicky boy handles the drama. And me? I take on the trauma. Dark humor is my specialty.

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