Look away while you still can. Seriously, people. This post is littered with train wrecks. You can’t unsee this stuff.
I should know.
I read in horror. I mocked. And now I’m sharing with you.
These messages are brought to you courtesy of my mismatches on match.com. Which I recommend for laughs but not love. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Even though they didn’t deserve it. Like, at all.
The occasional commentary is between myself and @austinlaneyoder.
The sexist (age 34)
I almost did not respond to this one at all. I mean, c’mon. “There’s nothing wrong with that?”! You’re darn tootin’.
But a good friend told me I couldn’t not reply, and he was right.
The old friend (age 54)
The pessimist (age 23)
Pretty sure I blocked this ray of sunshine.
The guy who didn’t think it through (age 23)
The lover (29)
Where would a therapist even begin? That grammar! What is with the two periods? Could he not commit to an ellipsis? If he can’t commit to an ellipsis, how can he expect to commit to a relationship? Why three hours of lovemaking? And “chef gown?” He was so precise with everything, and then he couldn’t think of the word “apron.” Really. . . ?
Guess I’m still on the look out for a Joe Fox to trade zingers with.
Speaking of, if you liked this post, check out Buzzfeed’s This Is What Happens When You Send Tinder Guys The Emails From “You’ve Got Mail.” It’s *singsongs* hilarious.
What’s the worst come-on you’ve ever received?
The Best Comebacks to the Worst Online Dating Come-ons – Tweet that!
Online dating might not be all it’s cracked up to be, but it can definitely crack you up.- Tweet that!