7 ways to feel safer when you live by yourself

Some people baby-proof. I serial killer-proof.

And so far I’d have to say: it’s working. Not one Bundy has set foot in my two-bedroom. It seems some extra TLC has warded off BTK. Which brought me to writing this FYI so that you too can sleep through the night.

1. Purchase the right shower curtain.

The shower is a prime time for paranoia to set in. It’s worth investing in a shower curtain that has a sheer window. That way you can quick scan around the bathroom for any killers. If horror films are to be believed, that’s where most killers find their victims. But you just can’t quite on hygiene.

2. Booby traps.

somedoorsshouldstayshut
Credit to Pinterest

After watching Criminal Minds and reading one too many romantic suspense novels, I have accepted that a serial killer can pretty much evade any lock. But that doesn’t mean we have to make it easy for them.

I reinforce my locked door with a door stop that doubles as an alarm. Of course, there’s always the option of asking your landlord to install a deadbolt or simply making your living room into a maze of furniture.

3. Kill spiders loudly.

I whack silver fish with my stilettos and smack talk flies as they buzz around, waiting for them to land. Not does this serve as excellent practice for facing your fear, but also defending your humble abode from unwanted visitors.

4. Sweep.

I’m not talking about cleaning here, honey. Before you let your head touch the pillow, sweep the house like a cop. Make sure the coast is clear.

policedontmove
Credit: Traci Nash Week

5. Play with lighting.

Purchase plug-in timers for your lights. That way, it’s more difficult for bad guys to tell apart when you’re home and when you’re not.

If you feel safer with a night light, I recommend investing in a Himalayan salt lamp. Aside from the gobs of supposed benefits, most have dimmers. The soft pink lighting casts a relaxing glow. Perfect for calming your nerves and falling asleep.

6.Find a roommate.

Think about it.

Yes, a roomie would infringe on your alone time. But that would kind of be the point. Loners are more likely to be targeted than groups.

7. Sleep strategically.

I’m not Haley James Scott. I don’t have a big, scary [hunky] husband to distract serial killers with. So I snuggle with a flashlight.

It’s small, pronged, blind-you bright, and stays concealed under my pillow. In the event that a serial killer should cut my power, I am prepared.

And, really, that’s the heart of this list: being prepared. Being proactive. Being of the mindset that it could happen to you. Someday it might just pay off to be a trauma queen.

What helps you RIP when you’re scared?

 

Forever alone? RIP by serial killer-proofing your home. – Tweet that!

Someday it might just pay off to be a trauma queen. – Tweet that!

What helps you RIP when you’re scared? Serial killer-proof your home. – Tweet that!

 

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My name is Nichole—Nichole Parks. Not to be confused with Nicholas Sparks. Nicky boy handles the drama. And me? I take on the trauma. Dark humor is my specialty.

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