How to Stall Mr. Right

Men are always after me.

You have no idea. I look left. I look right. I keep keys Wolverine-d between my fingers on the way to my car. Nearly tackle the seat. Double lock all doors. Inside, Katie’s strapping on her seat belt like we didn’t just almost meet a serial killer.

She’s talking up this guy as I’m checking the rearview to make sure there aren’t any crouched in the backseat.

“Uh-huh,” I say, whipping us out of the death trap of a parking lot. “Not interested.”

Katie blinked at me. “What? I wasn’t— Girl, why do you always think people are trying to set you up?”

It’s really quite simple: As well as being paranoid, I’m also quite vain. . . It’s really terribly embarrassing. I’m an embarrassment.

If you’d too rather not have Mr. Right get you all wrong, stall him. He’s a big boy. He’ll be okay by himself for a little while. Trust.

These strategies have kept him at bay so far.

Hit snooze on your dream guy. Read How to Stall Mr. Right – Click to Tweet

Rapunzel, let down your hair.

Do yourself this little favor and date. Please. Just don’t go out with the same guy. For once, stop thinking about once upon a time and just have a good time.

Get your butt off the couch and out of the tower.

Do something impulsive for once in your life.

Go to the mattresses.

In The Princess and the Pea, a traveling princess hopes the castle will spare her a night in the storm. The queen is tired too. I mean, how many little snobs can her son bring to dinner? She might as well test their royal guest.

A single pea is placed under 20 mattresses and 20 feather-beds.

Despite fighting for sweet dreams, the princess is not only sleepless but bruised!

That’s my wish for you. Find a dream that require sleepless nights. Find a passion worth fighting for. Lose yourself in it.

Go to the mattresses!

This is your chance. Fight.

For more kicks and giggles, like my Facebook page! đź‘Ť No regrets.

Fake it till you make it to the place you want to be.

I’d dearly love to clean myself up. How great would it be to wash the cinders off my cheeks before Prince Charming shows up! Any and all of the decrees he posted about trying-on-shoes, I’d tear down. I wouldn’t want him to see me like this. I wouldn’t want him to be embarrassed of me.

But there’s a part of the story to be emphasize.

The shoe fit Cinderella the whole time. At her highest confidence in a ballgown. At her lowest in an apron.

So, yeah, go ahead if you need it. Stall Mr. Right. Just know that even if he has to go through all of the maiden in the land, he won’t be stalled for long.

I’m curious. What are your reasons for stalling Mr. Right?

Like what you read? Click over to read a letter Dear Future Husband. Or all my run-ins with Mr. Wrong in The Best Comebacks To the Worst Online Dating Come-ons.


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My name is Nichole—Nichole Parks. Not to be confused with Nicholas Sparks. Nicky boy handles the drama. And me? I take on the trauma. Dark humor is my specialty.

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